Friendship

My friend was talking about the nature of friendship.

She felt there were 4 main areas to consider:

1.   Support. Friends are there to support you when times are hard, or the           challenges feel heavy.

2.   You can knock on a friend's door at any time of the day or night and a          bed is made, the kettle on and no questions asked.

3.   You can tell a friend anything and he or she will listen without     judgement.

4.   Your friends will encourage and share your joys and successes.

The item which moves me most is the last.

Is it about being needed? Is it about power? Do we feel more powerful when we can help? Do we feel inferior? Are we jealous? Somehow it seems to be easier to support someone who is struggling, than to give wholehearted support to someone who is full of joy.

There are various expressions in the English language which would seem to confirm this view. 'Pride comes before a fall'. 'For tonight we'll merry be, tomorrow we'll be sober'. 'What goes up must come down'. 'Don't count your chickens before they are hatched'. 'We like to support the underdog'. 'Don't tempt fate'. In the Old World we don't like winners too much and it seems a little gauche to really enjoy your own achievements, let alone those of your friends. The worst offence in my childhood was to be big-headed and I was told that nobody would like me if I was big-headed. What that did to my self-esteem you can only guess.

We know that what we think about grows. Why do we, therefore, spend so much time thinking about things which make us sad, miserable or angry?

It is important to know about the bad things that happen in the world because we may be able to do something; but if we can't do anything about it, it behoves us to let it go and get on with adding to the peace and joy vibes in the universe.

I watch enough news to get a rough picture of what is going on so that I can use my vote or my energy to help, but that works out at about 10 minutes worth, in the morning, once I have got my protection in place.

In my work, I am involved with the human distress of individuals and I hope my involvement sometimes helps. Professionally, I have to be able to put that to one side after work and get on with living my life.

Thereafter, I want to spend my time thinking about love, peace and joy and relish the amazing and wonderful things my friends and family get up to.

Frankie x

ARD Age Related Deterioration

I shall be 70 tomorrow. I am not ill. I am suffering from ARD.

This is a fascinating syndrome, at least to those suffering from it and who regularly exchange details of their symptoms. It is well known to people of a certain age. Not there yet? You will be!

ARD often affects the eyes. Remarks like, 'My arms are not long enough to read that', 'I need my other spectacles' and 'Why do they print everything so much smaller than they used to', are sure signs that ARD is affecting the eyes.

Next, the ears. 'Why do people mumble so much nowadays. They didn't used to.'

Joints creak and getting up from a seated position takes longer. Aches and pains become a fact of life. Digestion is less efficient, at both ends. We sufferers know all the issues of wind!

Attention span is shorter and memory lapses more often. 'What did I come in here for?' can be heard as we move from one room to another. There are tedious conversations about 'You know, the one who was in that thing with whatsisname!'

The picture is one of ongoing deterioration and it isn't going to get better.

However, there are side effects. Generally, we become kinder to ourselves and others, understanding the frailty of the human condition. We don't give ourselves quite so much of a hard time for our inability to do everything we could do when we were 40. We allow ourselves to rest more and to find time to chat to others including all the babies in Sainsburys. We potter about in the garden and one of our biggest joys is cooking and eating our own produce. It becomes possible to lock the doors and put your nightie on at 6pm, and to take your bra off as soon as the last visitor leaves.

My friend reminded me that you have to be brave to be old, but despite ARD it is a surprisingly content time of life. The struggle to make a living is more or less over, your relationships over long years are tried and tested, you have a home which you have made comfortable and joys are many and touching. More than at any other time of your life, you can do what you want.

I wish peace, content and the best of health to all sufferers of ARD past, present and to come.

Frankie x