Me: ‘Why am I always tired?’

Me: ‘Why am I always so tired?’

Me2: ‘Because you are too busy’

Me: ‘But I am practically retired, so why am I so busy?’

Me2: ‘Because you choose to be’

Me: ‘But there is always too much to do and life is short, can’t afford to waste a minute’

Me2: ‘That is why you are always so tired.’

Me: ‘But if I had nothing to do, life would be boring, and what would I do with myself all day, and who would I be if I was not doing anything. I would become a lazy couch potato.’

Me2: ‘Does it have to be all or nothing? Is there not a happy medium?’

Me: ‘I get quite anxious if there is a space and I don’t know what to do with myself.’

Me2: ‘Why does space make you anxious? You say that peace and space are what you most want.’

Me: ‘Without structure and a ‘to do’ list, I would have to feel my feelings and some of them are uncomfortable.’

Me2: ‘Maybe avoiding that discomfort is the reason why you stay so busy.’

Me: ‘A lot of people respect me for what I do.’

Me2: ‘Would you have no value if you didn’t do things? Do you have value for just being? Is your self-esteem based on what you do, or what you are? After all, we are human beings, not human doings.

Me: ‘If I don’t slow down soon, I will be dead before I have had time to smell the roses. What am I so afraid of?’

Me2: ‘As is so often the case, it is your critic and pusher who stop you slowing down, because, when you were a child, you were criticised for daydreaming, you were encouraged to get on with it, you were told not to cry and your anger was made so wrong that you stifled it. All these feelings are still there and, sadly, you can’t go around them, you have to go through them.’

Me: ‘Maybe if I book just a little space and go a little at a time, like a date with myself for peace time?

Me2: 'Great, but it is a measure of your self-esteem whether you make a real commitment to keeping that date.

I wish you peace and joy.

Frankie x