What you believe must be true.

Why is what we believe always true?

The world around us is an exact reflection of what is happening in our minds. It must be, or we would go mad. (see blog "what you believe must be true")

The microcosm, (our inner world) is an exact reflection of the macrocosm (the outer world).

Many of us try to change the macrocosm and become sad and frustrated because things don't change.

Some people change jobs because they feel disrespected or unappreciated. They may have relationship difficulties with colleagues or bosses. They change jobs hoping for a new start and a clean sheet. It doesn't take long before the same kind of situations start to arise.

Donald Trump has been married several times, but each has been a carbon copy of Ivana, his first wife. His latest wife Ivanka has only one letter different in her first name.

I had a friend who was hurt in a car accident and suffered some mild brain damage. It did not affect his intellect, but he became very quietly spoken and was a bit wobbly on his feet. Some people would say he looked and sounded drunk.

He was very keen on the girl next door, but he was convinced she would never look at him and that she didn't even know he existed.

He went on a self-confidence workshop with me and, as is so often the case in these circumstances, he thrived as the whole group loved and supported him. He left the workshop buoyed up and feeling good about himself. As he returned home and put the key in his door, the lovely lady came out of her house and gave him a big smile. "I see you have been away, would you like a cup of tea before you settle back?"

They have now been happily married for some years.

What changed? Did the girl have a change of heart suddenly? Was it the season, or the weather, or the political situation? No, it was his self esteem. He had come to feel worthy and more significant as a person. She picked up the changed vibe straight away and reacted to it.

What we believe about ourselves is programmed in early childhood and rarely reflects objective reality. See "What you believe must be true". We are told by loving, but unaware parents that we are limited or unable to do things.  We are labelled and the labels stick.

I worked with two brothers. Their mother, who loved them both dearly, had them labelled. The older was the clever intellectual one, but not practical, while his brother was very able practically, but not intellectual. Despite the fact that he is a highly intelligent man, the younger still believes he is not as bright as his brother, while the wife of the older one has a struggle getting him to do practical jobs around the house, despite the fact that he is more than capable.

Children believe what they are told, and the belief gets registered in their brain. If, as adults, (and the younger you are the easier it is) we want to change a belief, we have to do 3 things: -

1. Tell ourselves what we want to believe as though it is true. This is the strangest and most difficult thing for most of us to get our head round, but it is essential in the process. Remember that there is a journey over the 'hypocritical bridge' to get to the new truth.

2. Only ever speak of ourselves as though we were our own best friend. Would our best friend criticise us unkindly, or would he respect, admire and approve of us, no matter what?

3. Fake it till you make it. Act as though what you want to be true is true now. I don't mean spend money you don't have, I mean treat yourself as though you are successful, respected and loved all the time.

You can change the macrocosm, but only through the microcosm. The work is simple, but the resistance is huge.

Good luck.

Frankie x